Роль матери в воспитании сына и дочери. Мама — богиня.

«Мама» — первое слово каждого ребенка. Такое трепетное, душевное, чуткое слово, вызывающее в нас самые разнообразные чувства. А знаете ли вы, что мама для своих детей всегда настоящая богиня. В первые годы их жизни — она самый главный человек, от которого ребенок получает первую  информацию о мире и о его устройстве. 

Мама – первый учитель

От мамы дети естественным образом ожидают бескорыстия, самоотдачи, щедрости, любви, доброты и чуткости. От мамы они получают ощущение комфорта, безопасности, стабильности, которые в будущем для них станут платформой для развития уверенности. Рядом с мамой, малыш учится понимать высшие законы жизни и строить отношения с самим собой, с окружающими, с миром, с Абсолютом. Именно от умонастроения женщины во многом зависит будущее ее сына или дочери.

Женщина формирует 80% будущего своего сына

По мнению Алексея Бабаянца, около 80% будущего мужчины зависит от посыла его матери. Если женщина находится в умонастроении дефицита, претензий или потребительства, то сын переймет это деструктивное настроение. Он будет жить с ним, строя свои отношения в семье и в обществе не гармоничным образом. 

Гармоничный же мужчина созревает рядом с мамой, которая поддерживает у себя настроение истинной женственности, доверия к миру, бескорыстия, удовлетворенности и благодарности. Если женщина осознает свою природу и ценную роль матери, строя глубокие отношения с Высшим, то она открывает дверь для счастливого будущего сына.

Образ мамы влияет на выбор жены

Маме важно стать такой женщиной, которую она хотела бы видеть в будущем рядом со своим любимым сыном. Дорогие женщины, вы же хотите, чтобы ваша будущая невестка уважала вашего сына? Очень важно помнить, что вы воспитываете мужчину с самых пеленок, проникаясь к нему искренним уважением. 

Дети — не наша собственность. Как говорит Шалва Амонашвили, ребенок — это уникальное явление, со своим предназначением, особенностями и талантами. Мама — не собственник этих талантов, а помощник на пути к созреванию целостной и счастливой личности мужчины.

Советы мамам сыновей:

• Развивайте в себе женственность, получая знания о женской природе, материнстве, законах мироздания.
• Чаще обнимайте сына, говорите ему слова любви, поощрения, благодарности и похвалы.
• Верьте в его безграничные возможности и в то, что он способен справиться с трудностями.
  
• Вдохновляйте на подвиги, на помощь близким и нуждающимся.
• Учите его переживать поражения, как уроки жизни, поддерживая и напоминая, что его будут любить при любом исходе событий.
• Старайтесь не наказывать сына. Это — обязанность отца. Наказания матери могут привести к формированию у него заниженной самооценки и агрессии.
• Уделяйте больше внимания талантам ребенка и его увлечениям.
• Просите сына о помощи, учите его качествам джентльмена.
• Принимайте эмоции ребенка. Пусть он знает, что вы всегда его поймете и выслушаете.
• Показывайте на примерах отца, дедушки, тренера или героя фильма как проявляются мужские качества: мужественность, отвага, смелость.
• Мягко и с любовью говорите о недостойном поведении мальчика, обучая его видеть и исправлять ошибки.
• Воспитывайте сына как лидера, который должен отвечать за свои поступки.
• Покажите сыну, что мир прекрасен и справедлив. Учите его строить отношения с миром и видеть во всем Высшую волю и бесконечную безусловную любовь.

Только королева может воспитать настоящую принцессу

Современным женщинам не хватает качеств истинной королевы: умиротворения, удовлетворенности, изящества, нежности, грациозности, внутреннего покоя и очарования. Почему так происходит? Потому что многие девочки воспитывались далеко не счастливыми мамами. Важно помнить, что настоящую принцессу может воспитать счастливая, осознанная, любящая и гармоничная женщина. 

До 5 лет девочка получает главные эмоциональные впечатления от образа и поведения мамы. По ним она будет строить будущие отношения в семье и в обществе. Какую маму она видит перед собой, такой мамой она и станет в будущем. Она впитывает как губка поведенческие реакции мамы и ее отношение к мужчинам. У женщины, которая сама стала счастливой, расцвела в своей женственности, научилась чувствовать себя достойной помощи, отдыха, красоты и прониклась истинным доверием к миру, растут самые счастливые дочери. 

Главная задача мамы — передать образ женского счастья

Женское счастье не должно зависеть от обстоятельств. Оно теплится, как лучик света, внутри каждой женщины, если она умеет поддерживать связь с Высшим, благодарить за то, что есть, и не переставать мечтать, верить, творить и наслаждаться жизнью. 

Каждый день дочь учится у мамы такому женскому счастью. Поэтому маме важно наполнять себя самыми приятными эмоциями, быть удовлетворенной в любой ситуации и строить семейный союз на основе высоких ценностей и знаний, рядом с мужчиной, который почитает ее удивительную женскую природу.

Советы мамам дочерей:

• Станьте счастливой независимо от обстоятельства. Не ищите счастья, будьте его источником для окружающих.
• Изучайте психологию женственности, взаимоотношений, воспитания.
  
• Показывайте дочери, что женщина способна достичь много мягкостью, гибкостью и любовью.
• Воспитывайте дочь, передавая ей важный посыл, что девочка ценна с рождения. Для того, чтобы ее любили, ей не нужно ничего делать и добиваться.
• Стройте счастливые отношения в семье, проявляя женские качества.
• Делайте дочке комплименты, говорите слова любви, радуйте подарками, обнимайте и гладьте по голове.
• Откажитесь от любой критики или осуждения. Помните, что ваша дочь — это цветок, который может расцвести только в атмосфере любви, принятия и безопасности.
• Учите дочку облагораживать уют в доме, создавать атмосферу любви, красоты и праздника.
• Обучайте маленькую принцессу кулинарному искусству, творчеству, хорошим манерам, помощи другим.
• Рассказывайте о высоких ценностях, целомудрии, как о важной составляющей женственности и женского здоровья.
• С любовью учите девочку красивой изящной речи.
• Воспитывайте уважение к отцу и ко всем мужчинам (даже если у вас был неприятный опыт развода). Старайтесь видеть во всем Высшую волю. И помните, что только уважающая мужчин девочка способна обрести истинное женское счастье,  стать любящей женой и матерью.

Мама — богиня, мама — первый учитель, мама — королева.

Мама так важна для каждого ребенка! Помните, что до 5 лет мама формирует у ребенка лучшие возможности для счастья. Насколько много он в это время получит маминой любви, ласки, принятия, заботы, безраздельного внимания, настолько он сможет быть успешен, счастлив и гармоничен. Настолько он сможет реализовать себя в будущей роли жены, мужа, отца, матери, друга, подруги, профессионала, а главное — личности, которая по-настоящему принесет благо нашему миру.

Будьте счастливыми мамами счастливых детей!

The Role of the Mother in the Family

First published in The Reign of Mary, Issue # 123

From The Teachings of Pius XII on Marriage and the Family by Sister Paulette Huber, Ad.PP.S.

Complete, successful family living requires the cooperation of both husband and wife. Both have their specific roles; both, consequently, have their quota to contribute to the supply of family tranquility, order, and harmony. Still, it is clear, from the very nature of her role, that the wife and mother can contribute more to the felicity of the home than can her husband.Wherefore, Pius XII would dub her the «sun» of the family.

She is the «sun» because her self-sacrificing generosity is ever operative in diffusing love. Her affectionate and provident attentions are consistently and delicately attuned to bring cheer to her husband and children. In this way, she diffuses «light and warmth about herself. And if then it is said that a marriage is successful, when each of the spouses upon contracting it, contemplates not his own happiness but that of the other party, this noble feeling and intention, even though the concern of both, is nevertheless mainly that of the woman, born as she is with the instinct of a mother and the wisdom of the heart; that wisdom which, if pained, desires to return only joy and if humiliated, wants to return only dignity and respect, like the sun that cheers the cloudy morning with its light and gilds the clouds with rays at its settings «(Address to Spouses, 1942).

Prayer to Be Recited by Catholic Mothers O Mary, «full of grace and blessed among women,» stretch out the hand of thy motherly protection, we beseech thee, upon us who gather round thy queenly throne as thy handmaidens, obedient to thy command and resolved with thy help to bring to realization in ourselves and our sisters the ideals of truth and Christian perfection. Our eyes are fixed on thee in admiration, Immaculate Virgin; thou who art loved by the Heavenly Father above all others! O Virgin Spouse of the Holy Ghost! Tender Mother of Jesus! Obtain for us from thy Divine Son the grace to reflect thy sublime virtues in our conduct, according to our age and condition of life.Grant that we may be spotless and pure in our thoughts and in our behavior; gentle, affectionate, and sympathetic companions to our husbands; to our children solicitous, vigilant and wise mothers; prudent administrators of our homes; exemplary citizens of our dear country; faithful daughters of the Church, ever ready to allow ourselves to be guided by her in thought and deed. Help us, loving Mother, to be truly devoted to the duties of our state of life; help us make our homes true centers of spiritual life and active charity, schools where consciences will be rightly formed, gardens where every virtue will flourish.Give us thy help that in social and political life we ​​may be patterns of deep faith, of consistent and gracious practice, of incorruptible integrity, and of well-balanced judgment based upon the solid principles of religion. Bless these resolutions which thou hast inspired us to make and the trials thou hast helped us to bear; may we with thine aid come to see their abundant fruits in time and in eternity. Amen. — Composed by Pope Pius XII, May 26, 1957

She is the «sun» of the family, in the second place, because she possesses the superior though delicate power of softening the tumult of the passions.The limpidity of her glance and the fire of her words, the Holy Father comments with keen psychological insight, «penetrate gently into the soul, bend it, soften and raise it beyond the tumult of the passions, and attract the husband to the enjoyment of the good and of family conversation, after a long day of continued, and perhaps painful, professional and agricultural work, or of important commercial or industrial business. Her eyes shed a light and her voice gives forth a melody that have a thousand flashes in a single glance and a thousand affections in a single sound.They are flashes and the sounds that spring from the heart of a mother, that create and vivify the paradise of childhood and always radiate goodness and gentleness even when they admonish or reprove. For the youthful minds that feel more strongly, receive more intimately and more deeply the dictates and teachings of love «(Ibid.).

Finally, the wife is the «sun» of the family because by her candid naturalness and dignified simplicity she reflects solid virtue, the spectral rays of the Divine Sun of Justice.Her truly Christian decorum is mirrored in the recollection and in the rectitude of her spirit, in the subtle nobility of her poise, and in the delicate reserve of her general bearing. Thus, her «slight suggestions, hints, graceful expressions of the face, prudent silences and smiles, a condescending inclination of the head, give her the grace of a chosen yet simple flower, that opens its corolla to receive and reflect the color of the sun «(Ibid.).

Tremendous, then, is the mother’s power to determine the tenor of the home.Tremendous, too, is the dignity and nobility that has its enhancement in this power. For, the high mystical character of motherhood is inextricably interwoven with the mother’s ability to sublimate the domestic peace and tranquility which she, more than anyone else, has the gift to fabricate. Her tender, maternal love-instinct, upon which the supernatural is built, is the all-pervading transforming power. It strengthens and fortifies, refines and elevates the natural blessedness of the family circle.This truth is strikingly pointed out by Pius XII. «When,» he says, «to the bride the Lord in His bounty will have granted the dignity of motherhood to the side of the cradle, the crying of the infant will neither lessen nor destroy the felicity of the home; but rather it will increase and elevate it into that divine circle, where the heavenly angels shine and whence descends a ray of life that conquers nature and regenerates the sons of men into sons of God «(Ibid.).

But a mother’s dignity further arises from her utility in structuring the supernatural fabric of the home and of the society.For, precisely in her maternal mission of childbearing lies the secret to the mothers salvation and sanctification, if she but remain true to faith and love and holy living. Thus, her holiness becomes profitable and all-availing, since it promises life both for the present and for the future. Accordingly, with St. Ambrose, Pius XII considers a good mother the foundation of all virtues. A cradle, he asserts «consecrates the mother; and more cradles will sanctify her and glorify her in the eyes of the husband and of the children, in the eyes of the Church and of the country «(Ibid.).

It is at once apparent that such a quality of life shares the sublime consecration of the cross. Down to its deepest roots her life is a life of sacrifice. Yet, though the maternal sacrifices be painful, the powerful graces of the Sacrament temper it, or as the Holy Pontiff asserts, «The love of God, that raises her in her sacrifice beyond herself, opens the heart to all piety and sanctifies her. » This supernatural love is the beginning of all the finer instincts of the children.Its delicacy and tenderness exercise the strongest influence. Of it are born to the children piety, modesty, purity, and fear of the Lord — all learned immediately from the mother.

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Mother vs. Father

A look at the difference between mother and father

Mother and father are the words that refer to parents. When you speak of parents the general idea is that you are talking about a woman and a man — a mother and a father. They are also used separately because usually the mother and the father perform different roles in a family. The role of the father and mother in the family is quite different now that is was only a few decades ago.

Traditional role of the father

It was traditional to think of the father as being the head of the family. He was the one who was considered to be the breadwinner — the one whose job it was to make sure that the family had what it needed. He earned the income that was needed to purchase food and clothing and to pay the bills.

The father was the educator of the family and made sure that the children learned what they needed in order to succeed in life.He was also the disciplinarian in the household and was seen as a harsher person than the mother. However, the father was also seen as the protector of both the children and their mother.

Traditional role of the mother

The mother was the home maker — the one who stayed home and looked after the children, did housework and prepared the meals. It was her job to makes sure that the children were clean and fed and that they were healthy.

The mother was associated with the softer and more loving side of the family.It was she who showered the family with love and attention, solved the problems and soothed hurt feelings. This love is essential in the development of a child.

Changing roles of the father and the mother

The traditional views of the father and mother in a family no longer exist and are rarely seen in the modern family. Both parents work and share equally in the responsibilities of bringing up the children, looking after the home and preparing the meals.There are some families where there are two mothers or two fathers in a same sex marriage.

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Role Of A Father In The Family! |

Until not long ago, researchers have studies mostly the relationship between the child and his mother. It seemed more natural to put in relation the child`s development with the way the mother and child build their interaction. However, it was identified the need to find out more about the influence of the attachment relationship between the father and child as well.

A successful father is the one who passed through all the educational stages right by side with his own child.A father is for the little one like a second mother, less present of course, but from which it`s expected the same manifestations of endorsements and affection, the same emotional exchanges through the little games and sometimes even care that the modern father should gladly offer.

As a general rule, fathers used to alienate their children, staying away from too much involvement in their lives from the motional point of view. As a traditional male role is expected to be, the mother is the one getting involved in the child`s education, emotions and needs, the father being responsible with the financial and material needs of the family, sometimes getting involved under the form of an authoritarian parenting style in his child`s life.

It`s obvious lately that fathers are increasingly take care of their children. The days when child development was considered only the mother`s duty have long passed.

The Role of a Father in the Family

The psychological development of all people is based on educational module found in their family. Despite this, fathers refuse to inform themselves, considering that their role is to provide an authoritative model. At the same time, they blame the mothers for the abnormal mental development of the child, not trying to understand that half a percentage of the weight of his education falls on their shoulders.Therefore, it`s easy to understand why a lot of young adults from our days have developed frustrations due to a wrong educational model during childhood which, in adulthood, it affects their life in various ways, a lot of them trying to avoid «the mistakes of their parents. » Here`s of what attitudes you should stay away from, if you don`t want to be such an example of a father:

Traditional Father

• An authoritarian educational style.
• Lack of involvement in the child`s or family`s life, in general.
• An emotionless attitude.
• Lack of communication with children.
• Lack of time spent exclusively between father and child.
• Adopting an education based on fear.
• Adopting a very firm attitude in the relationship with children.

Father — Mother

• Trying to fill the lack of maternal affection.
• Adopting a very emotional or permissive attitude toward his children.
• Trying to fill his absence or the one of the mother by buying expensive gifts.
• Trying to seduce their sons or daughters, being in permanent competition with the mother for their love.

Absent Father

• The «weekend» father, who is always busy to be a part of his family`s life, being present only when isn`t busy and trying to compensate by showing too much affection.
• Interfering with the mother`s education, being unhappy with it — dissatisfaction due to his own inner conflict caused by guilt.

Father and Daughters

An aspect that fathers don`t take into account is that, although your daughters has only a few years, she still has the basic characteristics of a woman.So, it`s no wonder that most fathers don`t even think that a girl has the constant need of sharing her thoughts. Often, from lack of knowledge and patience, fathers rush their daughters who want to talk with them, considering that their ideas are superficial and don`t deserve the time spent. Moreover, it`s understandable: how many men could discuss over and over about the favorite band of a teenager or about the new models of dresses that are worn this season? Still, girls need this and, more than that, they need to discuss about everything with their father, because this is what they understand by communication.

Advice! At least pretend to be interested in the topics of your daughter and don`t refuse to communicate with her, no matter how frivolous would the discussion be. You can really find out interesting things about her personality and desires, which will help you in the future. Also, you don`t create fear of rejection or you won`t transform her into a shy person in the presence of men.

Men think that their duty is often to make things right, but things aren`t really like this when women are concerned (the same category from which your daughter is).A lot of times, they only want to listen to them, to unburden without being in the look of a solution to their problem.

The common parental role requires a distant education from the child. Still, this may create your daughter a feeling of disinterest in her. If you don`t have enough time to get really involved in your daughter`s life, ensure her all the time that you love her and that your attitude is due to adverse circumstances and not a lack of interest.

Advice ! Inform yourself regarding the problems of the new generation of teenagers and talk about them with your daughter.No matter how minor may these details seem, this way you`ll help her form a correct vision about life and understand that you are her friend.

Father and Sons

For fathers of boys, playing a parental role may seem much easier than in the case of fathers of daughters. But even in this situation, things aren`t so simple as they seem. While with girls you can deal easily with a problem by having a simple discussion or spent a few hours with them, boys need action, meaning more time and involvement.

By doing stuff with their fathers, boys «take» the emotions they need represented by attention, appreciation, help or admiration from their fathers. Fortunately, as a father of boy, you won`t have to talk too much and, therefore, to make an effort against your will, as it`s necessary in the case of girls. Still, the need of sons of performing various tasks, such as washing the car or doing homework, together with their father, it`s a must-covered need.

Advice ! Don`t be to critic or tough with your son.Even if you have good intentions, you risk of exposing him to a vicious circle. Even worst, you may induce the feeling that he isn`t good for anything, which will affect him quite a lot during adulthood.

The masculine nature requires all actions to move toward a specific purpose. However, sometimes we may be wrong or the purpose may be impossible to be reached. In this case, the father needs to play a role of support, not a critic one. The phrase «I`ve told you so!» is one of the biggest mistakes that a parent can do, the only result obtained is a defensive attitude and rebellion from the child, especially if he is a boy.

«Being boss» is a dictum which shouldn`t be applied in education, even if a lot of times your little boy might not seem obedient in front of your decisions. In fact, this is also the reaction he should have. However, «being a friend» brings other results, a lot more practical and better for the mental development of the child.

The Role of a Father in the Bible

Israelite history tells us that the father was very active in instructing his child in the words and ways of the Lord for their very own well-being and development.The training was created to make things clear to children the way of life. To commerce an early education of the child in this manner was of very much importance. — More here!

The Christian father was nothing more than an instrument in God`s hand. The entire discipline and instruction process needed to be as God commanded, so that His authority should have been brought into contact with the mind, conscience and heart of children immediately. The Christian father never presented himself as the ultimate authority in terms of duty or truth.According to the Bible, a father first and most important responsibility was to get his children acquainted with Scripture.

Duties of a Father and Husband

When a man starts a family with his bride, he has to commit to various responsibilities of honoring, cherishing and loving her. The vows that are shared include «for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.» No matter what life throws at you, you need to commit yourself to take care of your wife. When the fruit of your love is born, your responsibilities and duties will increase very rapidly, and you need to go with the flow, no questions asked.You can not let the obstacles of life get in your way of having a healthy and happy family. When you start failing as a husband and father, you start compromising the future of your family. It`s a daily challenge to always stay focused, but in the end it`s worth it.

List of Responsibilities of a Father

• Always be there for your children.
• Stay focused on the positive things you speaking to them.
• Don`t forget to say the most important words as often as possible (I love you!).
• It`s no shame to show your emotions in front of your family.
• Stay focused on improving the relationship you have with your partner or wife.
• Remember to take time out from your job to spend some family time.
• Pay attention when your children are speaking to you.
• Always stay informed to you can teach your children about them.
• Your children need to be kept accountable for their words or actions, but no punishments.
• Don`t hind your phone from your family.
• You need to have at least one daily meal with your family.
• You should sometimes do wacky things in front of your children.
• Spend alone time with your child.
• Embrace physical exercises and get your children to join in.
• Take walks with your family without your car.
• Always admit when you are wrong.
• Keep in mind what you hated from your parents as a child and promise your

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Roles and Responsibilities in the Family

Many people today are concerned about the future of the family. High divorce rates, juvenile delinquency, teen pregnancy, full prisons, and problems in public education are all signals of decreasing family influence. Unrest and disputation exist as to the duties of the head of household, who is responsible for the children, and where boundaries lie.

Some feel the makeup of the traditional family is a cause of much disillusionment between married couples.Pepper Schwartz, in her book Peer Marriage (1994), defines traditional couples as «those who divide male and female roles into separate spheres of influence and responsibility, with final authority given to the husband» (p. 2). Her study on marriages of this type showed «that traditional couples sacrifice the elemental goals of intimacy, deep friendship, and (whether they know it or not) mutual respect» (p. 3).

Population studies on the constitution of the family have triggered an increase in research.Focus on the Family , founded by psychologist, Dr. James Dobson, has provided a vast body of knowledge and understanding on the family. Researcher Dr. John Gottman published his findings in 1994 with Why Marriages Succeed or Fail . He speaks of the principles of communication that lead to marital success.

These and the writings of others have led to an increase in the strength and stability of the recent decade of families; however, very few address the roles and responsibilities of men and women within the family.Having observed families for the past forty years, the author has developed a model, «The Family of the Future,» that addresses this area. Successful families today are applying the principles of this model.

The basis for the model is the «nuclear family» — a «mother and father and their children» — as defined by Beatrice Gottlieb in her treatise The Family in the Western World (1993, p. 12). The family of the future is a nuclear family. It has three areas of focus: the marriage covenant, the secondary roles and responsibilities in the family, and the primary roles of men and women.

The Marriage Covenant

The marriage covenant in «The Family of the Future» is one built on the premise of equality between man and woman. Schwartz speaks of «egalitarian couples» (1994, p. 13). She defines them as couples that see each other as equals and «give priority to their relationship over their work and over all other relationships-with friends, extended family, even their children. Their mutual friendship is the most satisfying part of their lives. » She goes on to say «The point of equality and equity in these relationships is to create a marriage that makes each partner feel secure in the other person’s regard and support.»The man and woman, side-by-side, are equal in the marriage covenant. Together, they make decisions that determine the destiny of the family.

Adrian Wilson, author of The Family, calls the marriage relationship the «central core» of the family (1985, p. 9). In «The Family of the Future» model, the roof represents the marriage covenant. God, as the ultimate authority, is at the pinnacle. The two-way arrows leading from God to both the man and woman in the model illustrate the nature of their individual relationships with him before marriage.The arrows between the man, woman, and God represent the marriage itself. The action of marriage binds the man to the woman, and the woman to the man.Together, they are bound to God and constitute a family.

Secondary Roles in the Family

The marriage itself brings about secondary roles. They have to do with setting up and maintaining the «household». Gottlieb states, «the family is the household» (1993, p. 1). Gottman’s research clearly shows that the reason for success or failure within marriage and the family lies in the issue of communication (1994).

When it comes to resolving conflict and determining household duties, «what really matters is that you agree on what’s acceptable.» Successful couples have a «style» that determines the way they communicate with one another and the way household responsibilities are fulfilled. It allows them to resolve conflict without harming their relationship. They are able to deal with crises effectively (Gottman, pp. 32-67).

Secondary roles and responsibilities are simply duties that must be done.As the husband and wife work together to accomplish these tasks, fulfilling them according to their own availability, talent, and personal preference, the household will run smoothly. Children can be given age appropriate chores that increase with ability and experience. Eventually they will reach the point where they can run things should the parents be absent from the home.

«The Family of the Future» illustrates this secondary role structure as the walls of the home, made with two-way arrows.There are many secondary roles — these are not an all-inclusive list — and they change as circumstances require. Flexibility and communication are vital in the distribution and fulfillment of these roles. The overall success of the family must be a common goal.

The Primary Roles of Men and Women in the Family

In «The Family of the Future» model, the roles of the man and woman are divided into primary and secondary roles. Primary roles are the result of biological differences that are inborn and can not be changed or given away.Secondary roles can be fulfilled by either, both together, or children that are part of the family.

The primary role of the male is that of provider / protector, or husband and father. The husband provides the means whereby children come into the world, a place for them to live, support for their necessities, and leadership within the family. He provides support for his wife while she fulfills her primary role, that of procreator / preparer, or wife and mother. The mother brings children into the world and sees to their daily needs of nourishment and nurturing.Her support of her husband in his role brings strength to their relationship and to the family.

In his book Straight Talk , Dr. James Dobson speaks directly to men and women, assisting them in understanding the role of fathers in the home. Straight Talk gives men information they can use immediately to build a home with the traits and qualities every home should have: stability and leadership without dictatorship; a solid system of family finances; children who know God and feel good about themselves; wives who feel supported, enabled and loved; and meaningful times of togetherness.

Many in our progressive society would have us believe that women do not have the primary role in the nurture of their children and men do not necessarily need to be the providers and protectors. Both of these myths leave men and women wondering just what their real roles and responsibilities are.

«By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. «

The Proclamation on the Family *

Society throughout the ages has experimented with various forms of deviance from the primary roles of men and women in the family structure only to find out too late in their history, that their society was in shambles. The current social experiments of cohabitation and gay marriage may work for some temporarily, but as a general rule, they leave women and children vulnerable to poverty, ill health, rejection, abandonment, gang influence, and crime.

The illustration shows the equality between men and women in their roles as fathers and mothers in the foundation of the family. When these biologically determined roles are respected and lived, children are brought into a stable family environment. They grow to be responsible citizens who eventually take their place in the foundation of their own future homes. Families who follow this established pattern strengthen society as a whole. Those who choose to leave this pattern behind take away from society the most basic of its vital building blocks, the family.

Roles and Responsibilities Within the Family Unit

Stephen R. Covey, in his book Seven Habits of Highly Successful Families (1997) tells parents: «Your role in the family will never end. You will never be replaced. Your influence and the need for your influence never ends. Even after you are gone, your children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren will still look to you as their parent or grandparent. Family is one of the few permanent roles in life, perhaps the only truly permanent role «(p.116).

Covey says that successful families decide for themselves how they want their family to be. He lists as Habit # 2 «Begin with the end in mind» (1997, p. 70). Every family needs a vision of its own future. Principles and priorities then govern the decisions the family makes along the way.

The model of a house shown best illustrates «The Family of the Future.» The roof represents the marriage covenant. Together, husbands and wives are responsible for the many duties (secondary roles) that keep the household running smoothly.The primary roles of mother and father provide a solid foundation on which the family rests, providing ample opportunity for the bringing of children into the world. The stairs in the front of the house symbolize the children that are born to the married couple and their upward movement into the family structure. The extended family provides a frame of reference and starting point for the nuclear family.

«The Family of the Future» is strong and stable, a stability that comes from the realization that the marriage covenant is the ultimate influence in the family.Equality within marriage leads spouses to treat each other with mutual respect. The couple makes decisions that affect the welfare of the family together. The male and female roles within the family are equally essential, yet very different in their constitution and fulfillment. Men and women who live their roles effectively and keep a vision of their vital purpose make strong families.

This article condensed and revised from a research paper completed by Denise W. Anderson in 2008 for an English class at Williston State College.

* Published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The following resources are available at www.lds.org:

• The Holy Bible, King James Version
• The Ensign, January 1995 року, article by Brad Wilcox, «Work Enough for Two»
• The Proclamation on the Family

References

Covey, S. R. (1997). Seven habits of highly effective families. New York: Golden Books.

Dobson, J. (2000). Book review of Straight talk. Cultivating a strong marriage. Focus on the family website.

Gottlieb, B. (1993). The family in the Western World. New York: Oxford University Press.

Gottman, J. (1994). Why marriages succeed or fail. New York: Fireside of Simon and Schuster Inc.

Schwartz, P. (1994). Peer marriage. New York: The Free Press, a division of Macmillan, Inc.

Wilson, A. (1985). The family. New York: Tavistock Publications.

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